


Unexpected

by slashluvr2998



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Difficult Decisions, Drama, Family, Family Drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-07-24 15:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7512764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashluvr2998/pseuds/slashluvr2998
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Faith leaves something on Xander's doorstep that could change Xander's life forever...or should I say someone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own BtVS.

 

Xander distantly heard the doorbell ring. He looked at his watch it was nearly 10:30. He wanted to sleep but maybe it was Buffy or Willow and they needed him. He reluctantly left his bed and started up the stairs. He got to the door and opened it no one was there. Huh, he went to go back in when he saw something out the corner of his eye he turned back around and looked down to a sight he would never forget as long as he lived. There was a baby sleeping in a blanket on his porch there was a note in an envelope next the baby. Xander felt cold hard fear having a baby left on your porch didn't bode well.

_Dear Xander,_

_You know I'm no good with words but I_ gotta _explain. I was pregnant when Buffy stabbed me and inch more to the left and she would have killed the baby too. I was about 6 months_ into it _when I switched bodies with Buffy. Part of me did it to get back at her, another part of me wanted her life, her nice mother, nice cookie cutter house and best of all not being 18, a high school drop out and pregnant. She was born a week ago_ so _I haven't been to a hospital or had a birth certificate for her._

 _I'm not sure if she's yours or not I wasn't exactly_ no _virgin but if she's not or you can't stomach raising my daughter, can you please find her a good home?_

_Faith._

He stared at the letter in shock then back to the sleeping infant. A baby. Faith had been pregnant? She hadn't looked pregnant and even if she was she herself said she might not be his. He was 18 too and while he may have graduated he barely did it. He hadn't found any place yet to work permanently and he was having trouble as it was giving his parents rent. Now she was dropping a baby that may or may not be his on his doorstep and pretty much saying you deal with it!

He sighed and folded up the letter and put it into his pocket while he stared at the baby. The blanket the baby was wrapped in was black. The baby had little wisps of black hair sprouting from her head. He wanted to run, run far away from this responsibility but he couldn't because that's what Faith had done. Ran away and left a helpless little baby on the doorstep of one of the possible father's she had. He found himself moving toward the baby even though something inside of him was shouting.

"What are you doing!" It was still screaming that question as he picked her up from the porch, barely remembering in time from movies that you had to support a baby's head. The last time he had held a baby had been when he had held Jesse's niece when he had been 15. Xander wasn't sure what to do but his body decided to go back to his room. He turned the light off automatically after he went past them and soon was in the basement. He wasn't sure what to do after that so he ended just holding her and being shocked by the entire situation, his brain not being able to function- until she started crying. That snapped him out of his thoughts real quick.

"No, no, no. no...sh...sh..."he tried to quiet her. She had to stop because if she woke up his Dad things could get bad really quick. How did people get their children to stay quiet? He tried to remember something from TV but nothing was coming to mind.

"You have to be quiet," he pleaded and that when he heard someone coming down the stairs. He knew that gait, he knew who it was and he winced and turned around having his back to the stairs.

"What is this racket?!" his father shouted and Xander kept his back turned to him hoping that he would just go away.

"You answer me when I ask you a question!" His father shouted and shoved at his back. Xander put the baby on the bed to protect her. He turned around and looked at his face even though he didn't want to. His dad was looking at the baby who was still screaming with shock, and anger written all over his face.

"What is this?!"

"It's a baby." His father's fist swung at him and hit him in the face. Xander was glad he hadn't been holding her because with a hit like that he might have dropped her.

"I know it's a baby! What's it doing here!"

"She might be my daughter."

"You knocked some girl up?!"

"I had no idea until tonight and she might not even be mine."

"I let you stay here even though you are worthless, you've gone through several jobs in a few weeks. I'm not putting up with a baby. It was bad enough when you were one. They scream, they cry and I have a job and I need sleep. So get that baby out of here, and take your worthless carcass with it."

"But dad-" Xander tried to get him to reconsider.

"Out! The both of you! If you're not out by tomorrow I'm calling the police!" he shouted then left the room. Xander sunk onto the bed a few feet away from the baby. Was it even possible that he could look after a baby when he had no place to keep her and no way to feed her? He picked her up from the bed, his nerves were even more frazzled than they were before but he started rocking her and she seemed not to cry as loud though she was still crying. He kept at it rocking her and trying to get her to calm down. She fell asleep again in a few minutes and Xander felt so relieved

He looked at the baby again, she was so tiny. Xander moved the blanket out a bit so he could look at her more. Her hair was very short, he lifted up his hand, hesitated then touched her face. It was so soft.

She was so tiny. He looked at her eyes and saw they were the same color as Faith's. Could he raise Faith's daughter? He didn't know anything at this moment... except that they had to leave here before his father came back. He got up from the bed and rooted around in his closet until he found some bags then proceeded to stuff as much as he could into the bags, looking every few minutes at the baby to make sure that she was still asleep.

When he packed everything that he could, he realized that in order to get his bags out he was going to have to leave the baby here alone for a moment. He needed to make sure it was safe first. If Xander saw any sign of his father he would leave without his bags because whether or not she was his child or whether or not he was going to raise her he wasn't going to put the baby in any danger. So he made his way quietly out of his room and stepped very quietly down the hall to his parent's bedroom. He listened very closely and heard the light snoring of his Mom and the much more heavy and eerie snoring of his Father. He made his way quietly back his bedroom and checked again to make sure the baby was still asleep which she was.

He took all of his bags, even though they were heavy, he didn't want to make more than one trip. Xander made his ways slowly down up the stairs. The house was dark, but he had grown up there and from the many times at the beginning of the month when his parents forgot to pay the electric bill he knew his way around the house at night. The stairs were a little difficult because he had 6 bags and had to focus on hitting the stairs when he couldn't really see them very well, even if it wasn't night. He decided though he would turn on the stair and hall light though when he was holding the baby.

He made his way up to the main level and managed to maneuver himself out of the house. He set the bags down on the sidewalk in front the house and looked at the house for a moment. He had grown up in this house and while a good part of it hadn't been a pleasant experience some of it had. He wouldn't be allowed to come back here again. As he made his way back down the stairs he still thought about it. He walked into the basement again and all thoughts about the house were pushed aside when he saw the baby again the fears, anxieties and questions coming back with a vengeance.

He grabbed the tiny infant from off the bed and put her in his arms as he looked around the basement to make sure he didn't forget anything. Xander never wanted to come back here, not after what his father said and it reminded him this was no place to raise a child...if he was going to raise her. He still wasn't sure about that. He took the infant up the stairs and to the curb where his bags were waiting.

Where would they go it was the middle of the night? The college dorms where Buffy and Willow were at were too far to walk and none of them had cars. How would he get anywhere anyways? He had 6 bags and had to carry the baby. He had no cell phone and he wasn't going back in the house.

He looked across the street to Mr. and Mrs. Andrews' house. They were nice people. They had 3 young kids and they were the only people who ever reported his parents for child abuse. Of course, Sunnydale police believed his dad when he said he didn't do anything and they never even asked Xander. Sunnydale police at their finest. He looked at his watch it was 11:30, late, especially for a family with young kids.

But he didn't know what else to do. If his father saw him in the house he would probably hurt him and the baby too. He wasn't particularly close to any of his other neighbors, so they probably wouldn't answer their door at this time of night to him. Even if he did go and wake up the Andrews he didn't know who he would call.

Someone with a car. Someone who had room for him to stay for the night and someone preferably with experience with children. Then it came to him Mrs. Summers. Since Buffy was in college, her room would be open or rather Dawn's old room since she decided she wanted Buffy's old room. She had a car ,experience with children and while Giles might let him stay with him he didn't really want to let him know that he might be a father just yet. also as far as he knew Giles had no experience with children.

He left his bags where they were and hoped that in the time it took him to cross the street and hopefully call Joyce that no one would steal them. He crossed the street and starting to feeling really bad that he was going to wake them up. The porch light wasn't on but he could see the circle of light where the doorbell was. He knocked instead lightly on the door part of him hoping they wouldn't hear it, the other part knew if they didn't he'd had to call from his house which wasn't safe. He waited a few minutes then wondered if he should knock again but louder, ring the doorbell or brave his house. When he heard some footsteps coming to the door. The door didn't open for a few seconds, then there was Mrs. Andrews standing there. She was a few inches shorter than him dressed in blue pajamas she had light brown hair and was looking at him sleepily.

"Xander?"

"Yes, Mrs. Andrews can I use your phone?"

"It 11:30 at night."

"I know I'm sorry for waking you up." That was when she turned on the porch light and saw him and the baby.

"What happened?" she asked more awake and concerned.

"Can I use your phone?" She moved aside and let him in. He was thankful that he wouldn't have to go back there.

"Xander, why do you have a baby?" she asked after she closed the door after him.

"That's a long story Mrs. Andrews." she nodded and didn't press further, she merely started walking further into her house and Xander guessed he was probably supposed to follow her. He followed her past a living room and into a hall which led into the kitchen. He followed her to a phone, he looked at the handset and the baby in his arms.

"Let me hold the baby," Mrs. Andrews said seeming to understand his predicament. He moved the still sleeping baby into Mrs. Andrews arms. He picked up the handset and dialed Mrs. Summers number before he lost his nerve. He waited while the phone rang, and rang and then suddenly it was picked up.

"Hello," came Mrs. Summers sleepy voice. Xander hesitated, it was late and what if she said no?

"Hello," came Mrs. Summers sleepy voice again, this time with more annoyance. He cleared his throat.

"Hello, Mrs. Summer's."

"Xander." The annoyance was gone out of her voice replaced with worry. "Are you okay? Is Buffy okay?"

"I'm fine, and as far as I know so is Buffy," Xander sighed," Okay, maybe I'm not so fine. Faith..." Maybe he should have called Giles. Mrs. Summers really didn't like Faith how would she react to him coming over with her offspring or the fact that they had slept together.

"You know maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I'll call Giles, sorry to bother you," he almost clicked the receiver when Mrs. Summer's exclaimed.

"Xander, wait!" Xander hesitated. "Xander are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"What about Faith?"

"You're not going to like it."

"When it comes to Faith I rarely do but I'm strong and I can handle it. Tell me what's going on?"

"Faith dropped off her daughter, who might also be my daughter. My dad kicked me out of the house and we have nowhere to stay for the night." He heard her sharp intake of breath.

"That's bad." Xander didn't say anything, he didn't feel like he could ask her anymore.

"Where are you?"

"You know maybe I should just call Giles."

"Xander you may have chosen a poor partner for such... activities but I'm not going have you and a perfectly innocent child sleep on the street and I doubt Giles had even taken care of an infant for very long. Now tell me where you are so I can come and get you." her tone left no room for argument and Xander felt glad.

"In front of my house."

"Alright I'll be there in a few minutes. Okay?"

"Thanks, Mrs. Summers I promise It'll only be for one night."

"We'll discuss that when I get there. Bye," she said before Xander could ask what that meant. Xander put down the receiver and turned around. Mrs. Andrews had heard everything.

"They kicked you out," she stated. Xander nodded.

"Technically my dad but you know my Mom."

"I'm so sorry Xander and now having to be a father at such a young age. I mean if we had any extra room I'd let you stay here."

"I know you would Mrs. Andrews." he said with a smile and he picked the baby girl out her hands.

"Is the person picking you up a good person?"

"Don't worry, Mrs. Summers is nothing like my family. She's loving she's a lot like you."

"Well if living with her doesn't work out and you can't go live anywhere else we'll make room for you here."

"Thanks, Mrs. Andrews. I better go outside and wait for her she'll be here soon. "

"Wait just a second.." She ran upstairs and Xander waiting looking at the baby again trying to see if any part of her looked like him. She came back soon with her arms full of clothes. She put them in a large plastic bag.

"Here take these with you."

"What are they?"

"Old baby clothes you need them much more than I do some of them are probably still too big but she'll grow into them."

"Thank you, Mrs. Andrews, thank you for everything," she smiled a weary smile. "Do you need any help?"

"No thank you've already been more helpful than I could have imagined. " He maneuvered the bag to hang on his arms and he held the baby with his hands he started walking out and Mrs. Andrews followed him to the door and held it open for him. He felt her watching him as he made his way back over to his lawn and mentally counted the suitcases and found they were all still there. Xander waited only a short while before Joyce drove up and stopped the car. She got out and stared at the scene for a minute or two while Xander stared at her. She was still in her pajamas she hadn't even run a comb through her hair. Then she stepped forward and asked concerned.

"Xander what happened to your face?" Xander touched his face and winced he had forgotten about his face the inner pain had masked his outer pain.

"Nothing, met a vampire, he didn't much like my face." Xander lied she nodded seeming at least to pretend that that was the case.

"All right I'll grab your bags, you just get settled in the back."

"That's okay Mrs. Summers I can grab them."

"With what hands?" she looked pointedly at the baby he was holding. Before he could respond she grabbed a few of his bags and headed for the trunk of her car. He looked at the car and didn't know if he could even open the door with a baby in his hands so he just watched as Joyce put his bags and then came back to him. She seemed to notice and open the passenger's side door , he sat in the car and stared out of the windshield. He jumped when the door of his side closed, he hadn't realized that hadn't closed it. He looked and saw as Mrs. Summers opened her car door and sat down and closed her door. She started the car and started driving, Xander didn't know what to say to her there were so many things he wanted to say but he wasn't sure what to say.

"Thanks..for doing this," Xander said slowly. Mrs. Summers flashed him a tired smile before looking back at the road. "I really really appreciate this," he said lamely and he stared out of the window again. After about a minute of silence, Mrs. Summers glanced over at him and said.

"You're going to need a car seat."

"No kidding and a crib, and diapers, and formula , more clothes and toys and only about a thousand other things."

"Sorry Mrs. Summers, I didn't mean to sound snarky. I'm practically a kid myself. This time, yesterday I was still living in my parent's house. I'm just not sure how this is all going to work out"

"No parent ever does."

"Yeah, but I don't even know if she is mine..." Xander cut himself off complaining about this to the one person who could help him just seemed wrong. He instead looked out of the window again and realized that they weren't going to the Summer's house.

"Where are we going?"

"To the market. She's going to wake up soon and you're going to need formula, a bottle, and diapers. Tomorrow we can go shopping for everything else you need when I get back from work." She pulled into the parking lot minutes later. He waited for Mrs. Summers to come around still not quite sure how to open the door with the baby in his hands. When she did, he wasn't sure how to get out of the car with the baby even tough it was minutes ago he couldn't remember how he had gotten in the car with the baby.

"Do you need me to hold her?" Xander jumped a bit he had forgotten Mrs. Summer's was there, he nodded and she took the baby out of his arms. Xander managed to stand up and close his door and Mrs. Summers handed the baby back to him. He followed her slowly walking and holding the baby he went about 10 feet when Mrs. Summers said.

"You know maybe I should hold her." Xander nodded, he didn't know what he was doing and if they were going to get in the store soon she would probably have to carry her. Mrs. Summers transferred her back into her arms. Xander followed her again this time much faster, he anxiously watched her as they made their way to the store.

"Grab a cart," she said. Xander grabbed one and followed her. He knew this store, he had gone here often in his life. Sunnydale was a small town and didn't have very many stores but it felt like it was his first time, he couldn't remember for the life of him where the baby stuff was so it was a good thing that Mrs. Summers took off in a direction so that he could just follow her. In what seemed like no time there they were in the baby aisle. He stared at everything, at all the things he would need for her and maybe couldn't afford. For the first time he didn't think about him wanting her, he thought if maybe she would be better off with someone else someone who had the money to take care of her. To give her a mom and a dad. He looked at her face, her innocent little face and wondered could he really rise her? Should he raise her?

"Xander," Xander shook himself out of his thoughts and looked at Mrs. Summers.

"You going to need diapers, wipes, a bottle, formula, a pacifier, everything else can wait til tomorrow. Xander looked at the diapers stupidly, he knew he supposed to pick one but it just seemed so hard to do so.

"Xander..." he jumped again he looked at Mrs. Summers. She looked tired, it was late at night and she had work in the morning. Xander, on the other hand, was unemployed, just another spot on his record. He focused more on the diapers and found one of the cheaper ones with her age group and put it in the cart. He did the same with the bottle ,pacifier, and formula. He drove his cart up to the cash register. The cashier was looking at him then she was looking at something that made her smile.

"She's so cute." she gushed. The cashier was around his age, probably a few years older since he didn't know who she was, just sort of knew her face. She was brunette and had hazel eyes she was kind of cute- not that he was really thinking of that right now. He was more worried about the baby and feeling the sleep deprivation. He put all his items on the belt and watched as the cashier took her eyes off the baby and started scanning the items. He looked at the register and swallowed, the formula and diapers wouldn't last very long. He would have to buy them often and they were expensive, not to mention all the other things he would have to buy for her. He was unemployed how could he possibly hope to afford to take care of her? He numbly reached into his wallet. Despite the fact that he had a few jobs, he hadn't really saved much. He had paid the rent and had blown most of the rest on food. He, however, had enough to pay for this today but how was he going to pay for the rest? He handed the cashier the money and she gave him his change, when she was finished her attention was back on the baby.

"She's so cute. What's her name?" He stared at the cashier, she had no idea how much her innocent question had taken a toll on him. He had absolutely no idea. He was sure it hadn't been in the letter Faith had given him. What was the little girls name? He didn't know and unless he planned to keep her he couldn't really give him a name and he wasn't sure if he was. So all he was able to say was,

"I...I ...don't know." The girl looked confused but said nothing.

"I haven't named her yet," he said after that.

"Oh." like that made it better. He nodded numbly, pushed the cart past the register, grabbed his bags and put them back into the cart. He made his way back to the car much faster than he made the trip in, he wanted away from this place. He parked the cart in the cart return and made his way back to the car. Mrs. Summers was there a few moments later. She took his bags and handed him the baby back. Xander's attention was again drawn to the baby. She was still asleep which was a small miracle. She had no name. It bothered him a lot that she had no name. He absently heard Mrs. Summers bustling around but most of his attention was on the girl in his arms. How could he even be thinking of taking care of her? He was irresponsible. It was obvious in the variety of jobs of jobs he had in the last few months and even before that he was just irresponsible.

"Xander," Xander looked up to see Mrs. Summers holding open the passenger's side door. He moved forward and sat with the baby and saw Mrs. Summers close the door. He had no idea what he would be doing if Mrs. Summers hadn't come to his rescue tonight. He heard another door close and the car start up.

His thoughts were occupied by the baby and if he was ready for such a thing all the way back to Mrs. Summers house. The car stopped and he looked up they were at the Summers' residence. He had been here many times in the last 2 years to hang out with Buffy, part of him wished that was why he was here today. His door opened and he handed the baby to Mrs. Summers again for some reason it was harder to stand up with the baby than it was to sit down with her. He stood up and Mrs. Summers put her back into his arms. She went to the trunk and grabbed the shopping bags, then closed the trunk and came back over to him.

"Leave your bags in the trunk, we can get them tomorrow when we're more rested." Xander nodded. The baby had been asleep for the last hour and who knows how much more she had slept. She was probably going to up soon and he wanted some rest before that happened. Mrs. Summers walked towards the front door and Xander followed her slowly but faster than in the parking lot because he knew the area more and there wasn't a possibility of cars coming since they were on a sidewalk.

He made his way into the Summer's residence and she shut the door behind her. She looked very tired Xander noted, again he felt so bad for being a burden on her and for keeping her awake when she had to work in the morning, still she smiled and for Xander it just reinforced how special she was and how lucky Buffy was to have a mother like her.

"You two can stay in Dawn's old room. I might have an old crib around in the attic, just wait in Dawn's old room and I'll be back in a moment." Xander nodded and Joyce headed up the stairs. He headed up them after her going much slower than in the parking lot. They were stairs, he wasn't sure how to deal with them but he made his way slowly up them and into Dawn's old room. Xander sat down on the bed and stared at the still sleeping baby closed eyes. What if he was her father? What if the baby he was holding was his own flesh and blood? Could he just give her away? Should he keep her if he couldn't afford to give her everything she needed?

"What do you think baby? Would I make a good father or am I kidding myself?" The baby said, of course, said nothing back and just continued to sleep. He heard someone walk into the room. He looked up to see Mrs. Summers lugging something into the room.

"Sorry I don't have a crib I did, however, find a playpen and that will have to do for tonight."

"Better than anything I would have at home." He tried not to think about home.

"I can do that," he offered.

"No, it's okay, I already got it here." She started setting it up and Xander just felt so useless. A few minutes later she turned it up right side up and put the padding back in it.

"It's ready," she smiled. When he didn't immediately stand up she just took the infant from him, laid her down in the playpen and covered her up with a blanket.

"It's Dawn's. I found it in the attic with the playpen," she said. "I better go get some sleep." she smiled tiredly again and went to leave. He said,

"Thank you, Mrs. Summers." She looked back at him and continued to smile tiredly then left the room.

He got into bed and closed his eyes. He was mentally and physically exhausted he started drifting off to sleep when-

"Waah! Waah! Waah!" he opened his eyes blurrily. What was that? crying? He looked up and saw her crying in her crib. It took a few seconds for his brain to start functioning and telling him who the baby was. He started getting up slowly from the bed then remembered where he was and that Mrs. Summers and Dawn were still sleeping. Xander got out bed and to the playpen as fast as he could after that.

He wasn't sure what to do or what was wrong all he had was what he'd seen on TV- The parent taking the child out the crib and rocking the child to sleep on their body. So he was going to try it. However five minutes later and no stoppage to crying later he was starting to get frustrated. He was tired mentally and psychically and the baby wasn't quieting, and then he starting worrying about Mrs. Summers.

"Come on Mrs. Summer is a nice lady who has to go to work tomorrow so please stop crying so she can sleep." He kept on rocking her but she wouldn't stop. He felt something on his shoulder and turned around suddenly. It was Mrs. Summers. He felt so bad, she was nice enough to take them both in, and here was his incompetence keeping her up.

"I know nothing about kids," he said apologetically.

"Well it's been awhile but I may still remember a thing or two about it. Let me try." He handed her over.

"I'm so sorry she woke you up Mrs. Summers."

"It's fine Xander at least she's a baby not one of the awful songs Dawn listen to.." He still felt guilty. He looked to the hall and was glad that Dawn wasn't up. Of course, he remembered that Buffy had said that Dawn slept like the dead. The baby quieted down after a few minutes and Mrs. Summers put her back into the play pen.

"Thank you, Mrs. Summers I have no idea what I would have done without you." Mrs. Summers just smiled at him tiredly and made her way back to her room. Xander collapsed back on his bed exhausted.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wah! Wah! Wah!" He glanced at the time it was only a few hours later than the last time she had woken up. He got up sluggishly then quicker when he remembered that he was in the Summer's residence. He picked her up and rocked her gently hoping to get back to sleep before Mrs. Summer's woke up. But when he felt another touch on his shoulder he knew he didn't succeed. The teen placed her into the older woman's arms when she motioned to do so. She looked even more tired than she had a few hours ago.

"I'm sorry." he apologized again. This time, Mrs. Summers just waved her hand but she looked very tired. He was useless. He couldn't just have Mrs. Summers raise her for the rest of her life. This was a lot more work than he had expected last night. Mrs. Summers got her back to sleep again after a little while and put her back into bed.

Xander didn't say anything this time though he wanted to apologize again, but he also wanted her to get as much sleep as she could before she had to get up for work soon. He also crawled back into bed and looked over at the baby girl willing her to stay asleep until Mrs. Summers had to get up for work.

He woke up to crying yet again. It felt like seconds since he last closed his eyes but a look at the clock said it was a few hours. Mrs. Summers would be at work by now and Dawn would be off to school. He went over the screaming baby and picked her up. This time, he could smell something and knew he was going to have to change her. He saw that Mrs. Summers had brought up the things they bought last night.

Oh-he was going to have to change her. He had never changed a baby before in his life. He had to change her somewhere, he guessed the bed. He pulled out a baby blanket and placed her on top of it. Okay, the little outfit she was wearing, there seemed to buttons on the bottom of it which he unsnapped and then inspected the diaper. There were tabs he could pull which he did and then pulled the diaper down.

The smell got worse and he winced. He was going to have to clean that? He opened the bag of wipes and took one out. Wishing that he had gloves but having no idea where Mrs. Summers kept them, he did his best with the wipes as he could. He took a diaper from the bag and figured out after a few minutes how to put one back on her.

He rocked her, rocked and rocked her before he realized that she might be hungry. Xander put her down in the playpen again and did his best to ignore the screaming as he read the directions on the formula. He was going to have to heat water. He was so in trouble as far as he knew he was the only person in the house and the only way to heat water was in the kitchen. He could bring the baby downstairs with him or he could leave her up here for just a minute while he heated up the bottle and stirred it. Boy. was he unprepared to raise someone, which again made him wonder if he should even try in the first place.

He wasn't sure if it was the right decision, but he decided that since he'd be back in a few minutes it was probably better just to leave her in the playpen rather then take her with him. He hurried as quickly as he could with formula and bottle down to the kitchen. He microwaved the water in the bottle then took it out he put the formula in when he remembered something else he had seen on TV. He squeezed a little bit onto his wrist. It was a bit too hot, still, he rushed back up the steps and heard her crying more distinctly than he had when he was downstairs. He tried the formula again but it was still a little too hot. He sat down on the bed just wanting to collapse into it, but he kept himself awake.

A few minutes later he tested it again and it was fine. He picked her up out of the playpen and put the bottle in her mouth. She started sucking on it greedily. Yep, she was definitely hungry. Then he saw a piece of paper he missed on the bedside table. He grabbed it since it was within reach and read it.

Xander,

When you feed her don't forget to check the temperature

he smiled he had done that

and remember to burp the baby. Put her against your chest and gently pat her back. I took all the bags out of the car. They're in the living room. I'll be back around five though I might be able to get out early today.

Joyce Summers.

Yet again Xander was overwhelmed by the fact that Mrs. Summers was helping him like she was. Overcome by the fact that without her he had no idea what he'd be doing right now, where he would be. He had to find a job and move out soon, though he wasn't sure how he would manage without her. He put that thought to the back of his mind as he burped her and rocked her again it took him much longer than it had taken Mrs. Summers but eventually she fell back asleep. He put her back into the playpen and got back into bed. Despite the lack of sleep he had gotten the previous night, he couldn't go back to sleep so after some time he gave up.

He sat up on the bed and turned to look at the baby. What was he going to do with her? He had thought that many times in the last- he looked at the clock. Had it really only been 9 hours? It had seemed like a week. The same arguments about her ran through his mind? Was she his? Could he raise her? Would it be better for her if he gave her up?

She started crying again and he was no closer to any of the answers. He sighed, got off the bed, picked her up and started rocking her. She wasn't going back to sleep so he checked her diaper and after he found it dirty he cleaned it. She slowly went back to sleep after he put her back in the playpen.

He looked at the clock in the room. It was 11:00. They'd definitely be awake by now. He really didn't want to make this call but since he was living with Buffy's mom and sister he was going to have to talk them before they came over by themselves. He made his way down the stairs, picked up the phone and made his way back up the stairs to the hallway. He paced a few times up and down the hallway wondering if he could actually do this, if he could actually call. He opened the door and looked down at the sleeping baby, and knew that he had to. He dialed their number and wondered which one of them would pick up. The phone rang three times before it was picked up.

"Hello?" It was Buffy. Xander wasn't sure which one he would have rather gotten; neither would like the news he was going to give them.

"Buffy, there's something I need to tell you and Willow in person."

"Um, me and Willow have a break at 1:00 or we stop having classes around 6." She sounded concerned. His voice was kind of scratchy from the lack of sleep and who knew what else was leaking into his voice.

"6's Perfect."

"Xander, you really don't sound like yourself." He sighed, she knew something was wrong.

"Well, you'll understand at 6:00."

"That sounds ominous."

"Yeah."

"Xander are you okay?" she asked even more concerned.

"Just meet me at your Moms."

"Mom's, why there?" she asked curiously.

"Because." He couldn't bring himself to give any more information, it would require too much explanation.

"Because why?"

"Please don't ask any more question and just come over then," Xander pleaded.

"Okay now I'm officially curious... and worried." Xander didn't say anything. "But I suppose I can wait until 6:00." she finally relented. "See you then."

"Bye."

"Bye Xand," she said and hung up.

It was another series of the baby waking up, screaming bloody murder until he fixed what was wrong than going to sleep again. The baby was asleep when the door opened. Xander looked at the time and winced, it was time for Dawn to be home from school. The likeliness that her mother told her was slim so Xander would have to tell her. He couldn't the summer residence today so he would have to tell her.

Dawn wasn't going to take it well. She had a crush on him- or rather used to, he wasn't sure which one it was at the moment. She also didn't know that he and Faith had slept together and wasn't likely to take that news well. But he had to tell her sooner rather than later because the baby was probably going to wake up soon. He took one last look at the baby and made his way down the stairs. He called out because being the sister of the slayer meant that if he didn't he could get a sharp object inside him if he didn't.

"Hey Dawn," he called and saw her drop a stake.

"Xander what are you doing here?" she asked confused. He hadn't really dropped by all that much with Buffy now in college.

"Dawn there's something I have to tell you and you have to promise me you won't tell anyone, okay?" She looked at his face and saw that he was being serious. She looked concerned.

"Xander, are you okay?" Honestly, he had no idea so he plugged on.

"Promise me."

"Okay Xander I promise," she said. Xander sighed and ran his palm over his face.

"Faith and I had sex," he said. It's not what he had planned to come out of his mouth first but he was too tired to worry too much about it.

"You had sex with Faith." She seemed very shocked, hurt and disgusted by it.

"Yeah, it's was before she went all murdery." Dawn looked a little less disgusted now. "The point is that Faith dropped a baby off at my doorstep, it could be mine. I called your mom last night and she brought me and the baby here."

"I thought I heard crying last night but I thought it was just part of my dream. It wasn't was it?"

"No," he shook his head.

"You're a father?" she said shocked.

"I might be I don't know for sure," Xander said tiredly.

"And the mother's Faith?"

"Yep," he said.

"You look terrible."

"The baby been keeping me up." He cringed as it was like she heard his words and started crying yet again. He trudged up the stairs again and made his way back into the room ready for another round.


	3. Chapter 3

The door opened again. He was so tired too tired to go see who it was, he just looked the clock. It was probably Mrs. Summers. He heard steps coming from the hall and then the door opened and his guess was confirmed. He remembered suddenly, what they had talked about last night. They had to go buy the baby stuff. The baby needed stuff, yeah that's what had to happen... but he was just so tired.

"Xander? Are you okay?" she asked sympathetically.

"What?" he asked his eyes falling closed again. They kept on doing that, apparently, his body wasn't a fan of the amount of sleep he had gotten that day.

"Xander, you look exhausted," Xander nodded he got up from the seat.

"I'm...I'm going to go get some air," he said and made his way down the stairs and out into the Summer's backyard. He took in a few deep breaths, and heard his stomach rumble. Xander realized he hadn't actually eaten anything at all that day. He made his way back inside and stared at them. Mrs. Summer's footsteps were coming down the stairs, he looked at her.

"Is she awake?" Mrs. Summers shook her head and Xander let out a breath of relief.

"Good, that's good," he mumbled under his breath.

"Xander, do you need anything?" He needed someone to tell him that this was all just a big mistake, but since that probably wasn't going to happen he had to go for the next best thing.

"Do you...do you have anything to eat?" he asked. Mrs. Summers smiled.

"Xander you look dead on your feet. Why don't you sit down and I'll make something for you." Xander opened his mouth to refuse.

"I'm not going to take no for an answer," Xander smiled appreciatively and sat down at the table.

"Don't do anything too difficult," Xander requested. Mrs. Summers had already done too much for him and now she was going to make him food. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich was placed in front of him.

"This okay?" she asked with a smile.

"It's perfect," he said with a small smile back to her and he dug into it.

A little while later the door to the kitchen opened up. Xander looked up from his empty plate. Sometime earlier Mrs. Summer's had left the kitchen but not before giving him some coffee. Buffy and Willow both came towards him looking worried and Xander was glad that the baby wasn't up at the moment. He was still a little tired but the coffee spruced him up a little bit.

"Hey Buffy, Willow," he smiled at them slightly.

"Xander you sounded weird on the phone. What is it?" They both looked concerned, that would probably change after they found out. Buffy sat down at the table across from him and Willow took the seat next to her.

"I was going to make you promise not to freak out, but I figure you'd do it anyways."

"Xander-" he put his hand up to stop Willow.

"Please, it's better if you don't interrupt." They nodded looking even more concerned. "Remember when me and Faith had sex?" Their faces clouded over becoming harder to read but Xander didn't wait for them to respond.

"Faith had a baby, and it's possibly mine, and she's here." Both of their jaws dropped sometime during his short speech. They both started talking rather loudly at him at once. Though he was skilled in the art of Willow-babble and the like he couldn't tell what either of them were saying, but he didn't really want to so he waited until Willow demanded heatedly.

"Well answer me!"

"Love to, if I could tell me what you asked?"

"How could you be so stupid?!" He blinked, he really hadn't expected that question because while he had been stupid, he had thought she would have more tactful.

"I did use a condom but it broke, slayer stamina." He replied sounding a lot less embarrassed than he actually was. The two girls both gave him looks like that was too much information, but Willow had asked. They both looked angry and he got ready for another yelling match but their faces gradually softened.

"What are you going to do?" Buffy asked.

"I...I..don't know...Can you see me being a father?...And I don't even know if she's mine...and even if she is...is this the best place for her?" There were tears sliding down his face and he wiped at them furiously, angry at himself for crying. He found himself being hugged by Buffy and then after a moment Willow.

"I don't what to do," he replied brokenly.

"It's okay Xander," Buffy said but Xander knew it was just a platitude. If he kept her, his entire life would change and if he didn't keep her...he wasn't sure if he could do that. The more time he spent with her, the harder he found the idea of giving her up to be. But there were money issues and added to the fact that he would be a single father made him think that maybe he should do it for her sake. He was so tired and all he wanted to was sleep.

"Xander, are you okay?" Buffy asked.

"I'm just tired, so tired," he said, his exhaustion leaking into his voice.

"Then you should sleep."

"She'll be waking up soon," he argued tiredly.

"All the more reason you should sleep while you can." He started up the stairs weakly and heard some footstep following him. He made his way to the top and went into Dawn's old room. Xander heard two near simultaneous gasps. He turned around, Buffy and Willow were both staring at the baby still asleep in the playpen. He sat on the bed and looked at them trying to decipher their expression but he was too tired for that kind of in-depth thinking.

"Xander, you looked exhausted," Buffy said.

"So tired," he said then fell onto the bed... He was just going to sleep for a minute that's all... just for a minute.

* * *

He jolted awake to the sound of crying, again. He got up from the bed and to his surprise saw Buffy holding the baby. She had been there before he fell asleep, he remembered that, but why was she still there? Not that he wasn't grateful, just confused.

"Buffy?" she turned to face him.

"I decided to stay here tonight."

"You did?"

"Yeah, you looked tired and my mom looked tired and since I don't have a class tomorrow til 1:00 I figured I could help out tonight, let the two of you get some sleep. Of course, the last time I dealt with a baby was a long time ago," she said sheepishly, as the baby was still crying. Xander stood up, walked over to her and took the baby from her. He really wanted her to have a name. He rocked her gently until she fell back asleep. He realized he was getting a hang of this with surprise.

"Thanks Buffy, it means a lot to me that you stayed."

"Yeah, well, I saw how exhausted you were and I realized that no matter how the baby came to be in the first place, you're trying to do the right thing now and I wanted to help you."

"And I'm very grateful for that. Is your mom asleep?"

"It's 11:00, but I closed her door and closed this door too, I didn't want to have her waking up unless she absolutely had to."

"She's been so great about this," Xander shook his head in disbelief , "even after finding out whose daughter she was, she let us come over here."

"Why are you over here?" Buffy asked curiously then her eyes and she quickly backpedaled "Not that you're not wanted..I'm just..why are you here?" He wasn't offended but he also didn't want to answer the question, but he did anyways.

"My dad told me in no uncertain terms that he would not allow a baby in his house and to get out," he spoke slowly and with the least amount of emotion as he possibly could.

"Is that...is that how your eye?" she trailed off. He had completely forgotten about his eye. Its dull throb hadn't really been in on his mind since he had so many others things on it. He looked away from her. Xander didn't want to talk about it and had no idea that Buffy had even suspected it until now. Willow had known, but he had told her it had stopped. It had been a lie, but she had just looked so worried about him all the time and he hadn't wanted her to worry anymore.

"Xander?" she asked softly. Xander couldn't' meet her eyes, he didn't want her to see that she was right.

"Whether it was or not doesn't matter anymore. I can't go back there."

"Xander, it matters." He shook his head.

"No, it doesn't." Xander placed the baby back into her crib.

"Buffy, should I keep her?" Xander asked partially because he wanted to know what she thought and partially to get her off the current topic. "I mean, I want to, every moment I spend with her I want to keep her. But I keep wondering if that's selfish, whether she could have a much better life if she didn't stay with me." He was still facing the crib and couldn't see her expression, he didn't really want to. It took a few moments before she answered and when she did she answered slowly.

"Xander, I think you would make a great father...and I see that you care for her."

"But that doesn't mean she wouldn't have a better life elsewhere," he said shaking his head.

"Maybe she would. But if you want her and can care for her to the best of your abilities then...I don't know... If you are her father shouldn't she be with you?" Buffy asked weakly.

"I don't even know for sure if I am."

"Then maybe you should find out."

"Yeah..maybe I should."


	4. Chapter 4

It was the day after and thanks to Buffy he had gotten a little more sleep. Buffy had left to go to class a few hours ago and he was sitting there holding the baby wondering what he was going to do about her. She needed things, but he only needed to buy them if he was going to keep her.

He couldn't believe it had only been 36 hours since she had been put on his doorstep. He wasn't sure what the laws were but he was pretty sure that he should probably work on getting her a birth certificate soon. But in order to get her a birth certificate he would need to give her a name and in order to give her a name he should keep her…In order to keep her he needed money to buy the things she needed...he didn't even have a job at the moment. All this kept going around in around in his head in circles, making him crazy. It was all he could think about as the baby woke up and went back to sleep the whole day.

Dawn walked in the doorway a couple hours later and looked at the baby in his arms for a long moment. Thank goodness that the baby at the moment was asleep. She stepped slowly in but didn't say anything, just kept on looking at the baby girl in his arms and back at him. He wasn't' sure what she was thinking and he was still a bit too tired to try to guess. If she had something to say to him then she would eventually say it.

"So, she might be your daughter?" he looked down at the baby in his arms.

"Yeah." If she really was his daughter, how could he even think of giving her away? But shouldn't he? He no money, no place, and didn't even know for sure that he was holding his daughter. Xander really wished that someone would just tell him what to do, take the decision out of his own inept hands but he couldn't ask Dawn. Dawn was even younger than he was and didn't deserve for him to even ask her opinion at the moment. Dawn nodded and made her way out of the room.

A few hours later Mrs. Summers walked into the room filling Xander with gratitude that the baby was sleeping, so that she didn't have to come home only to help him, at least right away.

"She asleep?" she asked and Xander nodded. Mrs. Summers nodded and Buffy came into the room behind her.

"Buffy offered to babysit while we went to go buy things for the baby." Xander blinked at her, then said "Thanks." Xander got dressed into real clothes when he realized he was still wearing athletic pants and an old t-shirt. He made his way to Mrs. Summers's car. If he were to keep her a car was just another thing he needed...that he couldn't afford. Joyce drove him and while she did Xander got lost in his thoughts again about what was the best thing for the little girl he was currently taking of.

He still had no idea when the car stopped, he just jumped when something made contact with his shoulder. When he realized it was Joyce's hand on his shoulder, telling him that they were there, he smiled sheepishly. Xander nodded and made his way out of the store.

Once they made their way inside, Joyce immediately grabbed the cart and set out quickly causing Xander to jog a bit once in awhile to keep up with her... until they got to the baby furniture center. His eyes zeroed in on the prices, he swallowed hard, and tried to stop the tears coming into his eyes.

"I can't afford any this," he said numbly. Even if they accepted payment plans, which he was sure they didn't, he still wouldn't be able to afford it. Joyce turned from the shelf and gave him a reassuring smile.

"It's okay, we'll get it used."

"Yeah..." His eyes started becoming blurry, he blinked the tears back, he couldn't cry in the baby aisle of a department store.

"Xander, are you okay?" Xander shook his head not wanting to lie but not trusting himself to speak. He was still exhausted, having only slept a few hours last night, at least that's what he told himself for wanting to cry in the middle of a very public store. Joyce put her hand on his shoulder again.

"It's going to be okay." Xander shook his head, it didn't feel like it was going to be okay.

"Even if you can't afford items you have to buy more diapers and formula." Xander nodded.

"Why is formula so expensive?" Joyce shrugged. As Xander picked up more diapers and formula, he looked longingly at the baby toy aisle. He wished he could buy her something, even a tiny toy rattle, but he didn't have enough money for toys even if he somehow managed to have enough money for everything else. If he was going to keep her he had to get a job and a babysitter for all the time he was at work. How in the world was this going to work?

He made his way to the front of the store and stood in line. Joyce looked at him in a way that was meant to be reassuring but it didn't really work. Mentally he started counting up the money this little shopping trip was going to cost him and how little he had for everything else. When it was his turn his eyes were glued to the cash register as the numbers keep coming onto the screen. He dreaded the final number and winced when it came he couldn't even afford basic necessities for a baby than how in the world was he supposed to raise her?

He pulled out his debit card wishing he had a credit card. Xander was 18 years old but he didn't have a steady job and he was pretty sure that was a requirement for a credit card. He had never thought he needed one until now; he didn't have a lot of expenses until now. Rent? Yes, plus food and snack and hanging out funds. Those had been nearly depleted already. He took the few bags in his hands wondering how it could be so expensive? He and Mrs. Summers made their way back to his car.

"Do you know where a store like you were talking about is?"

"Yeah," at Xander's look she explained, "it's on my way to work." Xander nodded, he looked out the window again only really able to think about the money. Whoever said money wasn't everything didn't have a brand new infant to take of and no permanent job. The car stopped again Goodwill, great just when he thought he was done shopping there. He should have know it was Goodwill, he was well acquainted with the store.

With his Mom and Dad always drinking away all their money, most of the time, they managed to pay their utilities before drinking the rest away, but sometimes even then they didn't. They often used the rest of the money to buy beer and sometimes food too. There wasn't much money left after all that for clothes. Which was why he always wore horrendous clothes because they were always the cheapest clothes he could find at Goodwill. He was just glad that his friends just thought he was unfashionable rather than poor. He knew where the baby section was in the store, even if he had never really looked at the section before.

His eyes scanned the prices of the items that he needed. The prices in this store were much better but still he wasn't sure if he could afford all of it. He wished he had saved more of his money instead of spending it on junk food. Mrs. Summers had a shopping cart and started filling the shopping cart with things like a car seat, stroller, diaper bag. changing table, and a crib.

He tried to think of how much money he had and how much all of this was going to cost him. He needed everything but he was going to have to take out a few things since he couldn't afford it all, Unfortunately, he didn't know what to take out. Which was when Mrs. Summers came up to him as he had his hands combing through the cart looking for at least one item to take out.

"What are you doing?"

"I can't afford all of this stuff. I'm going to have to put something back... maybe two something's."

"I'll pay for anything you can't afford"

"But Mrs. Summers you've already-"

"Xander," her tone left no room for argument.

"I'll pay you back," he promised weakly and hoped that he wasn't lying.

"If you can," she replied simply. He was grateful for her and ashamed at the same time that she had to be helping him. She wasn't even related to him, all he was her daughter's friend.

* * *

The next night was very, very, long. The baby didn't go to sleep for a long time. He spent most of the night trying to get the baby, who was still nameless, go to sleep.

It was nearly 4 AM and Xander hadn't slept at all. His eyes were red-rimmed and irritated but despite that he tried to be soothing even as he felt like crying himself. The door was closed. He hoped that Mrs. Summer's would stay asleep, though he knew she must be really tired to be sleeping through all the noise the little girl was making.

Maybe he should give her up? He thought yet again. Either way he had to get her a birth certificate and himself a real job as soon as possible. Of course a birth certificate was problematic, because he would either have to give her up or raise her on his own. It seemed crazy that he was even considering the idea, especially since he didn't have the resources, or any experience with this kind of things. He had no brother or sister and while all his cousins lived close they were all older than him and...drunks.

But he really cared for the little girl, even as she kept screaming her lungs out. He really wanted her to stay, regardless of the fact that he had absolutely no idea what he was doing. Xander suddenly realized that the baby was no longer crying and managed to fall asleep.

She was so small, so innocent. He stared at her for a long moment before remembering that she was asleep and he really should take advantage while he could. He put her back in the playpen as he hadn't really had time yet to put the crib together as they had to take it apart to get it into the car. Xander collapsed onto the spare bedroom's bed and gazed up at the ceiling for a short moment before his eyes fell closed and he fell asleep.

 


	5. Chapter 5

He had to tell Giles. It had been something he had kind of forgotten about but he had to know. If one of the girls told him before he did...well it just wouldn't be right. He kind of wished he didn't have to tell him but he knew at the same time that he did. Mrs. Summers offered to look after the baby while he talked to Giles and here he was knocking at his door.

As he waited his thoughts were drawn to the fact that had only been to Giles' once before and he didn't know the place that well. After all, he found it strange for Giles to be out of the library. Xander was pretty sure that in high school he had thought that Giles lived in library because he was always there. The nervous man knocked on the door and waited anxiously for Giles to come and let him in.

He just hoped the nervous sweat that seemed to be increasing by the moment wouldn't take off the makeup he had begged Buffy to put on him. He wasn't sure how Giles would react to this new situation the last thing he wanted to also bring up at a time like this was his face. He had nearly forgotten about it, but a single look in the mirror had reminded him. Would he be shocked but supportive like Buffy, Dawn and their mother? Or distant like Willow. While she had looked at him sadly she hadn't done more then that. She still hadn't called him back and he had called several times. He understood, but it still hurt.

The door opened and Giles looked at him surprised because it wasn't like him just to show up without calling. Actually, it wasn't like him to show up at his place at all, call or no call.

"Xander, what are you doing here?" Xander took a deep breath just calm his nerves.

"Can I come in?" he mumbled, Giles opened the door, the hellmouth version of 'come in'. Xander stepped through the doorway and look around at Giles' apartment. It never got any less weird being here.

"Would you like to sit down?" Giles asked politely but confused gesturing to his living room. Xander nodded hoping that having a seat would help calm his nerves, only to find after he sat down he wasn't any calmer. In fact his knees started jerking up and down in an erratic kind of way. He kept bumping Giles coffee table with his knee.

"Did you want something?" Giles asked confused but trying to get down to the reason for his visit. Xander shook his head and knew that he had to tell him. Mrs. Summer was watching the baby but he really had to get back as soon as possible to take over for her.

"Giles there something I have to tell you," he said. Giles looked concerned, probably because they were few good conversations that begin with 'there's something that I need to tell you.' Xander took a deep breath in and out and said,

"I slept with Faith." Giles opened his mouth and Xander decided to keep going, to get it all in one go because he wasn't sure if Giles interrupted whether or not he would be able to keep on going. "She got pregnant with possibly my daughter and dropped her off on my doorstep and Mrs. Summers has been helping me take care of her for the last two days." Giles stared at him for a very long time. He took off his glasses and cleaned it off with a cloth before putting them back on his face then looking back at him.

"Are you saying that you and Faith have had a child together?" Xander winced he didn't like the way that sounded even more than the way Willow had phrased it.

"It's possible. I mean I don't really know for sure that's she mine." Xander answered regardless of how he felt about the original question. "But it's a possibility..." his said his voice trailing off at the end.

"And uh..." he took off his glasses and cleaned them again even though it couldn't have possibly gotten dirty in the last few seconds Xander supposed it was more a nervous habit than anything else, or something that gave him more time to think. Why hadn't he realized this before? "What are you planning on doing with the child." Xander was broken from his introspection by the question. That was the million dollar question... and if he had a million dollars it would make that question so much easier.

"I don't know," Xander said honestly "I just had to tell you so that you didn't hear it from someone else. I'm sure it will be all over soon, it's so scandalous," he said sarcastically people in this town were so nosy. Giles nodded.

"Do you need any help?" he asked seriously and Xander smiled.

"Right now Mrs. Summers is watching her and I'm living at her house...Do you know anywhere that's hiring?"

"I haven't yet found a job so I'm not exactly the best person to ask," Giles replied with a small smile. Xander found his response for some reason very funny and he started laughing and couldn't find it in himself to stop. It was not nearly as funny and his laughing might suggest. In fact Giles looked alarmed by the amount he was laughing. He raised up his hand to show that he was okay but he wasn't sure Giles got the message due to the fact that Xander was still laughing his head off. He laughed for full five minutes before he was able to stop himself. Xander realized as he stopped that it had been more of a hysterical laughter from everything happening so quickly and his total lack of knowledge of what to do about it. He bit his lip as he felt the urge to cry, but he wasn't going to cry not here not in front of Giles.

"Thanks, I'll let you know okay...I should probably get back,"he said with a small smile on his face that he didn't really feel as he got to his feet. Giles nodded and Xander made his way to Giles' front door.

"Xander...I mean it, you need something call me..." he wrinkled his nose "I'm just not very good with children," he said, Xander smiled and this time it was real.

"I don't know, you managed to look after us and many would call us children," Giles smiled at the comment as Xander left the room closing the door after him.


	6. Chapter 6

Waking up to crying again, he wasn't quite used to the as of yet. In fact, when he first woke up, he hadn't remembered straight away and wondered why in the world there was a baby screaming in his room. However, he eventually remembered and made his way over the playpen and picked the screaming baby out of the crib and set about soothing her. To his complete and utter surprise, it didn't take very long. He changed her slowly out of her onesie and opened a new one. He wasn't almost out of onesies, he reminded himself that he had to do some laundry.

Today was Saturday. That meant no school or work for anyone.  That meant that he could have a few minutes to himself or he could after he did something. He had to get her a birth certificate. He should have gotten it when he found her on his doorstep but he had to get her a car seat, plus he had to have a clearer idea on whether or not he was going to keep her. He wrapped her up in a blanket and brought her down the stairs. Dawn was in the kitchen, her cooking was about 50/50. Well, she could cook, but she was always trying new things and only half were any good. He sat down and to his surprise there were what looked suspiciously like chocolate chip pancakes. He looked up at her questioning wondering if she was trying to pull something. She shook her head.

“I know you're exhausted. I figured I'd make something for you that was more normal,” she rolled her eyes, “you know since you like it that way.” He smiled at her warmly and said.

“Thanks.” Mrs. Summer's took the baby from him since he had yet to master the art of eating while holding a baby yet and didn't want to give it another try today. He dug in the pancakes. They were delicious he grinned at Dawn who smiled back.

* * *

 It was a really long line and his arms would be tired except that he was able to sit her in her car seat, which doubled as a portable crib down, on the floor. He was glad that Mrs. Summers had packed her some toys to keep her occupied so that she wasn't wailing at the top of her lungs the entire time. It was hard enough when she did start crying. He eventually made his way to the front of the line and saw the person behind the counter looking at him expectantly.

“I need to a birth certificate.” The process was long and he had to explain that the baby had been dropped on his doorstep to a few a different people before he was able to finally get someone who had authority over this kind of thing. Everything was going smoothly until the man who was in charged asked him one question that he knew was coming but floored him regardless.

“Are you planning on taking care of her?” He looked down at the girl in his arms then back to the man looking at him. He was an older man in his 50's. He was wearing a white shirt with a light blue sweater vest. His hair was predominately brown but there was a strong gray force trying to take it over. Xander didn't know what to say. The man seemed to understand because- well Xander had to explain to him after two others so the version he had told this man had been the smoothest of all.

“Can I think about it?” Xander said weakly. The man pointed to one spot on the sheet he was filling out.

 

 Father's name___________________

 

“If the girl has no parents then she goes into the foster care system.” He didn't want her to have to go into the foster care system. He had been there a few times when social services had removed him from his house when he was a kid. He was hit in both places, but at least at home he had Willow and Jesse. There were few people in Sunnydale and no one apparently had wanted to foster him there, so he had been fostered in a somewhat nearby town. He didn't want to subject her to that. But did he want to raise a child who wasn't his for 18 years just because he didn't want her to go into the foster care system?

“Can I have a grace period? I don't even know if she if she's really my daughter. She could be totally unrelated to me!” the man looked uncertain “Please just long enough for a DNA test to come back.”

“What would do with her till then.”

“I'll take care of her,” Xander said automatically. The man looked uncertain but picked up his phone

“I'm going to have to make a few calls. Why don't you go wait in the waiting room?” Xander nodded, lifted up the car seat, made his way to the waiting room and sat down nervously as he waited for the man to get back to him. The baby was awake and he barely managed to keep her quiet by rocking her continuously, until the foot that had done the rocking was tired. She was looking at him and he looked right back at her. They stared at each other until Xander heard his name. He picked the baby up and made his way back. The man looked at him for a long second and the stomach full of butterflies, Xander already had got a few more visitors.

“I have discussed it with several people and we have agreed to grant you temporary custody of the child. However, there are a few stipulations. You must get a DNA test done today along with a full health workup and your temporary custody only last until the DNA test comes back. During your temporary custody, a social service worker will be by once of a week to make sure you are taking care of the girl. If at any time the worker finds the environment unfit, the baby will be put into the system.” Xander nodded taking it all in. He didn't like social services but he supposed it would be irresponsible to leave her with someone who wasn't willing to take responsibility for her but wanted to look after her.

“Can I go?” he asked like he was asking to be excused from the table in one of those sitcoms. The man nodded and Xander took the baby and made his way to the waiting room. He took out the cell phone that Mrs. Summers had given him since she had dropped him off. He called her and told her the news and then sat down to wait for her to pick him up. He closed his eyes as he realized he had just volunteered to take care of her for as long as a DNA test took to do however that was. He would also have to pay for the DNA test and the full work up of the baby which he couldn't afford so that was going to be yet another thing he going to owe Mrs. Summers for. What if she wasn't even his? Would he just give her back to

He closed his eyes as he realized he had just volunteered to take care of her for as long as a DNA test took to do, however that was. He would also have to pay for the DNA test and the full work up of the baby which he couldn't afford. So that was going to be yet another thing he going to owe Mrs. Summers for. What if she wasn't even his? Would he just give her back to social services? Xander closed his eyes for a moment wishing that it was before he found the baby on his doorstep. Back when  he was free to do pretty much whatever he wanted as long as he stayed out of his Dad's way. Of course, the moment his eyes closed was the moment she decided to try out her lungs again. People stared at him as if to say he was a horrible person for not being able to keep the girl from yelling. He was tired and he wanted to yell at them, but was just barely able to manage to keep all his scathing thoughts to himself. Good for him.

* * *

  Hospitals he hated hospitals. Bad things happened at hospitals. They were poking at the poor baby with needles and checking all her vitals despite her screaming through it. He wanted to hold her, to protect her from it but he couldn't. The shots she got would be lifesaving and they were necessary. The DNA itself hadn't been hard to get. It was the least intrusive and painful of all the other tests and shots. He himself he had just had to swab the inside of his cheek. The DNA test would be back in 5 weeks and then he would find out whether or not the baby he was going to be taking care of was his or not.

 

The doctor finished the shots and Xander scooped her up into his arms. Shushing her and rocking her as she screamed. The doctor told him over the volume of her screaming that he was free to go. He left the room and saw Mrs. Summer sitting in a chair waiting for him. Guilt course through him. It was Saturday and Mrs. Summer was spending time and money waiting for him and paying for things he couldn't afford. He put the still screaming baby back into her car seat and followed Mrs. Summers back to her car where he strapped the baby into the car. He sat by her in the back seat and Mrs. Summers made her way into the driver's seat and started the car.

 “I'm so sorry.” Xander blurted. She turned around in her seat and looked at him with a smile.

“Xander for the last time it's okay. You'll pay me back when you get the money.” Xander nodded. He had written it all every single cent and he wasn't sure he was ever going to be pay it all back to Mrs. Summers. He absently started rocking the car seat as much as it could while it was strapped into the car. “You will.” she insisted seeing the doubtful look on his face and pulled forward. He hoped that she was right.


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own Buffy**

**Sorry, it's been a little while.**

* * *

One week later

The baby's sleeping schedule was getting to be a little more regular. It was a big plus because it meant that he got to sleep a little more. Buffy came home after school and watched her few about 2 hours. It was all she could manage and keep up with her homework at the same time. But he appreciated every moment of it. It meant that both he and Mrs. Summers who was still helping him get the baby to sleep just not as much as she had at the beginning since he was starting to get the knack of it, got a break. Willow still hadn't come around and he didn't have much time to go chasing after her. But he hoped that she would come around. Dawn was too scared to hold the baby for more than a minute or two, but she made food once or twice a day which meant that Joyce didn't have to and could take a nap when Buffy came over. Giles was helping him in another way. He was looking for jobs for Xander that were flexible and understood his situation.

Xander was in one of those rare moments when he was awake and the baby was asleep and he wasn't feeling dead tired. He was staring at her and his thoughts turned to what he was scared about, the future and the question. Was she his daughter? Was he suited to be a father when he hadn't exactly had the greatest example of a father himself? Would he be able to do it?

He was going to have to get a job. He had looked, but it was difficult to look very hard when he spent so much of his time feeding, shopping or generally taking care of the little baby. Baby... that word was really starting to bother him. He wanted to name her but he also didn't, because like pets he knew that once he gave her a name it would be that much harder to give her up- if he decided that was what he was going to do. He put his head in his hand and sighed. The door opened but Xander didn't look to see who it was, he just kept on staring at his hands. The person didn't say anything that in of itself said more than if they had. Xander turned to see Willow staring at the baby and then slowly walking forward towards her.

"She's beautiful," she said quietly.

"Isn't she?" Xander said. He had thought that more and more every day... and he was pretty sure he loved her. But he couldn't love her, because if he loved her then that meant...he didn't want to deal with that at the moment. She turned to him and squatted down so that they were at eye level.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you this last little bit...I mean, I know this has to be so hard for you...I just...I couldn't...I'm sorry." she said apologetically. Xander shook his head, he wasn't mad at her, he had just hoped she would come around.

"It's okay Will," she shook her head.

"No, it's not... Xander, you have a baby." Tears started to come into his eyes as he heard someone finally say the words aloud. He had a baby. Him...the zeppo...the loser...the doughnut boy. He always managed to screw up everything in his life. How could he be thinking about raising a kid that he would probably screw up just as much as he had screwed up everything else? He lifted his hands to his cheeks and broke contact as he hid his eyes so that Willow wouldn't see him cry. However, he uncovered them when Willow started to speak again. "I may not like her mother but she can't help that... and if you're trying to take care of her, whether it be for six weeks or for the rest of your life, I want you to know I'll be there for you every step of the way," she said tears also coming into her eyes. She shook her head.

"I mean it, every step of the way." Xander smiled even though he was still crying.

"Thanks, Willow that means everything to me."

"Do you need anything?" Xander shook his head.

"Just you here with me." she smiled through her tears.

"Always." she said.

Review Please :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own anything. Sorry, it's been awhile.

 

It took a week but Giles managed to get him a part-time job at the grocery store. It wasn't much money since he was just a bagger but it was the only job he could find himself that would give him the flexibility that he needed. He only worked four hours a day. During the week, nights and during the weekends during the day. But he only worked four hours for the time being because he didn't want to be away from his daughter for long even though Buffy, Willow, Dawn and Buffy's mom had all volunteered to watch over her whenever he had to be gone. Dawn, had mostly gotten over her fear of breaking her.

He found on his first real day that he was a strange mixed state. He was glad to be doing something that didn't involve the little baby girl, not cleaning her, feeding her or trying to soothe her. At the same time, he was worried about her. And worse he felt guilty about leaving her even though it was only for about four hours and Dawn and Buffy was watching while he was gone. Still, it was his decision that had to be made and until he made it he should be the one who was watching her. But despite Joyce's attempts to assure him that she could handle the strain of housing him without a problem he was pretty sure that she couldn't just support me and the baby for the next...however long. Plus he already owed her money and he even though part of him hated to be away from the small baby girl he knew he needed to have money to take care of her.

The evening shift seemed to blur by and go at a snail's pace all at the same time. Bagging itself wasn't difficult, he had pretty much had a five-minute training session and then sent off to work. All he had to do was bag grocery items. It was like the longest game of Tetris ever, interrupted only by questions of 'paper or plastic' or making comments like 'Have a good day'. It was only broken up by the occasional helping an elderly or otherwise burdened person to their car and helping them put the groceries in. But for the most part, it was extremely repetitive and he falls into a pattern fairly quickly.

When he was done with work, the first thing he did when he got the Summer's house, which had been more like a home to him than his real house ever been, he had ran up the stairs to see Buffy holding her in his arms. Xander motioned that he wanted to hold her and Buffy nodded and passed her off to him. He studied her face intently like she might have somehow changed in the past four hours, but the small round face looked exactly the same. He looked at Buffy who looking at the two of them and smiling, he looked at her confused.

"What?" she smiled wider and laughed but said,

"Nothing."

"What?" he said a few moments later when her expression didn't change in the slightest.

"What?" he asked a little more irritated, she laughed.

"You're just so protective of her...it's cute." Xander nodded and looked down at her. He was protective of her, though he hated to admit it. He didn't want anything bad to ever happen to her...ever. With every day that passed, he became a little more hesitant to give her up, even if that might be the best thing for her.

"Willow going to be over in about an hour when she's done with her homework so you can get some sleep. I got to go back to school and get some homework done."

"You know I would never be able to do any of this without you," he said honestly. It was something that he had wanted to tell her for a bit but wasn't sure how to bring it up.

"Of course you would." she said dismissively grabbing her purse from the corner of the room and slinging it over her shoulder.

"Buffy," he said and she turned back to him.

"I'm living at your house and your mom paid for nearly everything, she's doing this because of you."

"No, she's doing this because of you, you're a good guy and she just wants to help you," Buffy firmly denied.

"Maybe but if we were never friends, you really think that I'd be here," she squatted so that she was sitting right next to the baby.

"Neither would I," she said seriously.

"You saved my life or did you forget that?" Xander looked away. Yeah, he remembered and then she had done that sexy dance to throw it back it his face. She lightly forced him to look back at her she looked at him sadly.

"Xander I know I never thanked you for that, and I'm sorry and for how I acted afterward. But I am grateful you saved my life. If I didn't know you I wouldn't be here either." Xander nodded still not willing to say more than that at the moment.

"I really am sorry," Buffy said apologetically as she rose to her feet and made her way out of the door.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS.
> 
> Sorry, it's kind of short
> 
> Also. the events in this story may not exactly line up with canon events.

 

* * *

He had just finished changing her diaper what had been horrible the first week had become very routine. The social service person had just been by and thankfully apparently hadn't any problem with the way things were. He had already finished his shift for the day, which was really good since diapers and formula were so expensive and he hadn't been paid yet so he was just racking up debt with Mrs. Summers which he felt guilty about every single day. Once he got paid he could take over his expenses and start to slowly pay Mrs. Summers back. He cradled her to his chest.

It was really started to bother him that she didn't have a name, however, he couldn't name her, not if he wasn't going to raise her. It would be too painful. So he had started calling her any girls name he could think of, a different one every time unless he forgot he had already used it. It wasn't a name but it seemed more personal than baby which was what he had been calling her.

"Rebecca," he said this time. Dawn opened the door a crack saw him and her awake and walked quietly into the room.

"How is she?" Dawn asked softly. For someone who had at first refused to even hold her, she had come a long way.

"She's good," he whispered back.

"Do you want me to take her?" Dawn asked, Xander smiled and nodded. He would like a nap. She hadn't exactly slept well last night so neither had he. He handed her over to Dawn and left the room. He went down to the downstairs couch where he took naps when he could get them. He jumped onto the big brown couch and within minutes was asleep.

* * *

He loved her, plain and simple. He knew it in his bones that he loved her. Despite his head's objection that he was being selfish and he had no idea whether or not this little girl was even his, she could be some biker dude or something, but who's she's was started to matter less and less. The most egregious sin his heart had done was gave the baby a name. It was a name he had been thinking about for awhile but hadn't allowed himself to actually give her until now. Although he hadn't told anyone about giving her a name, because that would make it real, make it true. He never even spoke the name unless he was very sure that no one else could hear him say it. He wasn't sure why he was keeping to himself when they had done so much to help him. They helped with the baby, they helped him with everything.

He had finally gotten paid. He had put aside some money for diapers and formula and given the rest of the small amount to Mrs. Summers, putting a very very dent in his debt to her which she, of course, had tried to decline but he hadn't let her. Mrs. Summers was a very good person.

She started crying having woken up, he grabbed from her crib and hoisted her onto his shoulder and rocked her close to his body.

"It's okay Lizzie. It's okay," he whispered to her softly.


	10. Chapter 10

 One week later

This was the week that the DNA test was supposed to come back. While he had dreaded and was anxious about the test for a few weeks he wasn't any longer. He still wanted to know but he had recently decided even if the blood test came back and she wasn't his ,he was still going to raise her as his own. She had only been with him for 6 weeks but already she had sealed herself into his heart. Xander wasn't sure how he'd do it but he would.

The DNA test would come but before it did, he had to tell them all that he intended to keep Lizzie no matter what the results were, he was going to raise his daughter, biological or not. He also had to tell them her name so they could all stop saying _her_ or _the baby_ all the time since both of those names were starting to drive him nuts. He was planning to do this soon, today, preferably. He wondered if they would be surprised or not. He just had to get them all into the same room so that he could do it all in one sitting. Only Mrs. Summers and Dawn were home at the time but Buffy and maybe Willow would be here soon he hoped it was the both of them but it was dependent on whether Willow was able to get enough study time in her dorm room, so it was really a 50/50 shot.

He tried to get them all into the same room so that he could do it all in one sitting. Only Mrs. Summers and Dawn were home at the time but Buffy and maybe Willow would be here soon. He hoped it was the both of them, but it was dependent on whether Willow was able to get enough study time in her dorm room, so it was really a 50/50 shot.

Xander got up from the chair he was on and wondered over to the window. it was on the right side of the house and gave him a good view of what was coming, however, at the moment all it showed him was the Summer's front yard. He watched children walking by and looked at the clock in the room, the elementary school by the Summer's house must have just let the children out. He watched them and looked down at his sleeping daughter. She was going to grow up one day and she would be one of those children walking home from school. Although, at the moment, Xander wasn't sure he'd let her walk home since even though on the Hellmouth, things only usually came out at night they sometimes came out during the day. Was he going to be a suffocating Dad because of what he knew about Sunnydale? Part of him, in that moment, wanted to move away, move to somewhere safer. He had always blamed his parents for never leaving, even if it wasn't entirely fair because as far as he knew they were completely oblivious to the monster that lived there. However, he had more than enough reason to blame them for other things. He silently promised his sleeping daughter that he would never let anything bad happen to her. Even if he wasn't entirely sure that he could keep such a promise he would do his best. The door to their room opened and Buffy came in followed by Willow they both went over to his sleeping daughter and looked at her.

"She's asleep," Willow said with a smile on her face. Xander nodded.

"I have to talk to you guys along with Mrs. Summers and Dawn." They both nodded but they looked at him quizzically wondering what it was he had to say. He flicked on the baby monitor he had bought a few weeks ago so that if she woke up he'd hear her. He grabbed the second one and led the way out of the room, closing the door after Buffy and Willow left the room. He made his way down the hallway and to Dawn's room where he knocked on her door.

"Come in," her voice yelled back. He stuck in his head and said.

"Dawn I need to tell you guys something. Will you come down to the living room?" She looked at him and put down her pencil next to her notebook. It appeared like she was doing homework which he felt a little bad for interrupting, but it was rare that all four of them were home at the same time and he had to take advantage.

"Well that sounds ominous," she said but stood up anyway and came towards him as soon. As soon as he saw that she was coming he went to Mrs. Summers room and knocked. There was no answer. She was most likely either taking a nap or downstairs. He hoped for the latter. He made his way down the stairs and to the living room where to his relief he saw Mrs. Summers reading a book. He smiled at the image. She looked up though as they all came in and she looked a little puzzled like she was wondering what was going on. Xander gestured at them all to sit which they did. He opted to stand though.

"There's something I have to tell you all because it affects all of us." He took a deep breath and while he did he looked at the carpet trying to gather up his strength. What if they weren't supportive? What if they thought it was irresponsible of him to want to keep Lizzie? Especially since he couldn't be self-sufficient at the moment. He looked up.

"As you guys know, later this week I'm going to get the results of the DNA test. I just want you to know, as the people closest to my heart, that regardless of what the results are, whether or not she is my biological daughter or not I'm going to raise her." He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he was going to get, so he braced himself and shut his eyes tight... only no one talked at all. In that moment all his fears flashed through him again.

"Good." Is what Mrs. Summers finally spoke. He opened his eyes and looked at her, she was smiling at him.

"Good?" he asked. She nodded.

"Yes, it's good. You're not the only one who has grown attached to the child. Even if you had decided to give her up I think I would have tried to adopt her and I'm too old for that," she finished with a slight laugh.

"Yeah Xander, you're not giving my niece," Dawn said with a smile. Buffy and Willow just smiled at him supportively. Xander grinned at them- his biological family they may not be they a were more supportive than his real family.

"I'm glad you feel that way because I've decided on a name," he said they looked at him surprised but glad.

"Her name is Elizabeth Rose Harris. Lizzie for short." Buffy and Willow both stared at him for a moment processing the name. The two then both bombarded him with hugs. They held him tightly for a few moments before letting him go they both smiled at him teary eyed a glance over them showed that both Mrs. Summer and Dawn were both also looking a little teary eyed. He didn't have a terrible family after all, he thought with a smile on his face.

 


End file.
